There’s a lot of misinformation out there about pirates, which is why I’ve dedicated my life as a historian to fixing it. Of course, there’s the popular fictional view, which is utter nonsense. Beards, parrots, distinctive flags that would give away their intentions in a heartbeat…such silliness. It’s most vexing, although at least most people who are adults know that real pirates were nothing like this.
But then we get into the supposedly ‘educated’ view of pirates, which is that they were vagabonds of the sea, pillaging their way through the age of seafaring. Villainous scum with no heed for the law, who were the scourge of the sea. Well, today’s pirates might be similar in many ways, but the pirates of old? They’re just misunderstood, and I have the evidence to prove it.
In fact, pirates are some of the greatest artisans in history. You maybe be familiar with fishing rod holders, which are today used to hold fishing rods. I’ve unearthed some very compelling evidence that pirates were the original users of fishing rod holders, since they were misunderstood citizens who found themselves forced out onto the open sea through no fault of their own. They had to use something to catch their daily provisions, and they grew tired of holding their fishing rods. Their innovation was circumstantial, but it also revolutionised the industry. In the times between innocently sailing the high seas, they practically invented the marine welding industry, even before the industrial revolution. The writings of esteemed pirate Eustace Kidd have hinted that they constructed rudimentary blowtorches and set to work repairing their ships with pieces of scrap metal. Fascinating! It’s like Melbourne’s marine fabrication industry, but the earliest stages!
In fact, I have compelling evidence to suggest that pirates never broke the law at all. Be sure to support my work after the release of my stunning new history book: The Pirates Who Actually Didn’t Do Anything.