Sometimes I tell jokes, and my friends don’t laugh. Well, they try not to laugh and then they do, because it’s funny but mean. Someone will tell me that wasn’t a very nice thing to say, and I have to resist making a massively sarcastic response. Oh, not nice? Not NICE? But I’m ALWAYS nice. I’m the nicest person ever.
No, I’m not, and they know it well. I’ve built my entire career as a friend around being edgy, that friend you like to have around because they’re hilarious, but they’re always riding the edge of acceptable humour. Take my last birthday party. I never used to have them- not really into the scene- but I thought this time I’d make an exception. I booked a birthday party venue in Melbourne that would be okay with my scheme, then rigged a small catapult to chuck pies at anyone who walked in. See? Hilarious!
So many pies in so many faces, until eventually we were all equally disgusting. Then anyone who came in was able to laugh at anyone who came in after them, until it was just a laughter fest. If you were late, you paid the price by being laughed at more than people who were courteous enough to be on time. Oh, and then at the end of the night I released a massive net of water balloons that had been lingering in the ceiling, and everyone was…cleaned. Because I’m really nice like that at least sometimes.
True, that party venue banned me pretty quickly, but I had my fun and I like to think that everyone else had theirs, so in the end, it was totally fine. I just have to keep finding party venues around the Melbourne area (even though they may be far out) that will have me and my wild parties. Meanwhile, in real life, I’ll just keep being my charming self…as I always am.