So, I’ve been having a good think about the kitchen redesign for my evil lair, and I’ve decided that black is not the way to go. I really think it conveys the wrong kind of vibe, even though I am a supervillain. I think it’s far more important to express a different side of myself, one that is truly tough and doesn’t care what other people think. That’s why I’m choosing softer colours, such as white, pink and purple. Because the truth is, the real way to be manly in this world is to do what you want, regardless of what others think. I might even have some flower patterns on the walls. How tough am I? Super tough.
Now I just need to find some kitchen designers in the Melbourne area who will make my vision a reality. There are bound to be plenty who want to help the future Premier of Victoria, Dr Dark McBane. I can’t think of a better way to get publicity. I’ll put this out there right now: whoever designs me the best bathroom will get a shoutout in my inauguration speech.
Do premiers even get inauguration speeches? Well, if they don’t, I’ll be changing the law so that I can make one. And then you’ll get free advertising from the most powerful man in Victoria. Sounds like a sweet deal, doesn’t it? Once again, you’ll get free advertising if you give me awesome bathroom or kitchen renovations. Melbourne designers, get in contact with me, otherwise, you’ll miss this great deal.
The actual election is coming up soon, so I should probably work out what my campaign goals are. I’ve been running with the simple concept of being better than Premier Norris by default, but that might not be enough. Perhaps I could go for the sentient car vote. If I promise to give more rights to sentient cars, along with civil liberties to sentient air conditioners, that might set me up for a long stay in office. After all, if I’m the guy to give air conditioners the right to vote, they’re always going to vote for me in the future. Perhaps I should set up a meeting with Airy the Air Conditioner while he’s on his next book tour.