Taking a night history class was seriously the greatest decision of my life. I’ve been learning practically everything that I feel like I should’ve been taught in class, such as how the crusades were caused by some guy spilling his friend’s drink at a party and how Australia was actually settled by the Icelandic peoples, before they ditched the place. Too many spiders, and people from Iceland are famously afraid of spiders. Only ten dollars a class! It’s a true bargain, and we always have great fun.
This week we learned about plumbing, Melbourne’s history and how the city was founded after a local tribesman became tired of there not being adequate piping in the area. That’s why he sold his land to the settlers; they brought plumbing technology that the natives had never seen before, and everyone lived happily ever after with their proper water distribution services and flushing toilets. And the legacy of those first Melbourne plumbers has continued unto this day.
I had questions, of course. I always have questions; it’s my natural curiosity that led me to take this class in the first place. Like, how did the natives know that they needed quality emergency plumbing if they’d never experienced it before? Apparently their leader was a visionary, by which I mean that he had visions. He saw a day when his people would no longer have to make trips to the well for drinking water, or boil water over a campfire when they wanted to wash dishes. No, there would come a day when Melbourne would be a great city, with networks of pipes and sewers in every suburb, and the only thing people would have to worry about was the occasional blockage and maybe the boiler breaking down. And even then, the blockages would mostly be their fault.
And that’s the truth, folks. Nowadays around Melbourne, emergency 24 hour plumbers can attend to you at all times of day. How fascinating to look back on where we came from!