It was just another average Tuesday morning in Melbourne when I found myself narrating the latest episode of The Blockhead. This season, we had an interesting mix of contestants – a pair of retired circus clowns, a mother-daughter duo who were local librarians, and a couple of professional bodybuilders – all with one common goal: to show that they are the best amateur renovators in town. In the season premiere, their challenge was to pull off the best kitchen renovations Melbourne had ever seen.
A complete kitchen overhaul in under 72 hours was no small feat. Only the best of the best would make it through to the end. The contestants, armed with plenty of advice from professional kitchen designers and an unhealthy amount of caffeine, were ready to get to work.
The clowns, Bozo and Fumbles, had an unconventional approach. They turned their kitchen into a funhouse-inspired culinary wonderland. Mirrors on the ceilings, multi-coloured tiles, and a rotating carousel of a kitchen island. I had to hand it to them, it was… unique.
Meanwhile, the librarians, Mildred and Millie, took a more cerebral approach. “A kitchen is just like a library,” Mildred stated, squinting at a blueprint. “Each appliance, a book, with its own designated space.” Their idea of a perfect kitchen included a stove that looked suspiciously like a library catalogue and a fridge designed to resemble a bookshelf.
Finally, the bodybuilders, Rock and Hulk, insisted on transforming their kitchen into a ‘protein paradise’. Their plan included a benchtop smoothie station, a weight-shaped spice rack, and, of course, a refrigerator large enough to house their massive supply of chicken breasts and whey protein.
As the chaos unfolded, I found myself questioning how I ended up here. But then I remembered – this is The Blockhead, where the contestants’ passion for renovation is as strong as their disregard for convention.
Who will win this challenge? Who will prove to have the best kitchen renovations? Only time will tell. Until then, the power tools will keep buzzing, the paint will keep spilling, and I’ll keep narrating, one hilarious disaster at a time.