Oh, You Guys and Your Perfect Life!

Oh, look at that, Brad and Elena just bought their first home. Good one, Brad and Elena. We absolutely , definitely needed to know via every single one of your social media accounts that you took a photo of yourselves whilst smiling in front of a sign that says ‘SOLD’ and a home that you probably shouldn’t be able to afford except you have SUCH great jobs. I know that too, because when you got those great jobs, you posted that too, alongside smiling photos of your first day at work. SO happy for you, Brad and Elena. The only time I think I’ve been happier is when you posted almost seventy photos and a forty-minute video of your engagement. And before that, your first anniversary. And your one-month anniversary…

Oh, and the house has a state-of-the-art commercial solar system, designed for use by Brad’s father who happens to be an energy mogul, because of course he is. Just, ALL the solar energy systems, all the time, for Brad and Elena’s perfect social media home. Just checked again, and as expected they’ve posted the home tour. It’s 26 minutes long, and fortunately I skipped to the end because the couple revealed that they were pregnant. Oh, good grief…I’m going to have to sit through those awful pregnancy process photos. I don’t know what’s worse: that, or Brad posting a massive essay on why every home should have an industrial solar system, because it’s the future of commercial LED and other words that I don’t really understand but Brad hopes will impress us. Well, worry not, Brad and Elena. We’re all still totally impressed by your perfect social media life, and your perfect home, and wedding, and commercial LED lighting apparently. Obviously Brad and Elena have to add ‘socially conscious’ on top of all those other traits that we get served to us on a daily basis, with the perfect filter slapped over the top.

-Niles